One Girl One Computer

The past two days have been filled with dogs.  So many dumb dogs.  I like dogs usually, but this was too much...I had to visit my family for...

I went out to a bar last night with my bff.  Somehow I got stuck sitting in the corner and was able to eavesdrop on the table next to me.  T...

It was such a beautiful day in Chicago today, that I felt the need to wear shorts. Oh shorts, what a glorious thing. But I only own, like,...

I called my sister to talk recently and a rare gem was born. The following is the story of Bitchturd B. Hayes... My sister's son, (who...

My interaction with a customers kid today: Me: Hey little guy. Are you having fun today? Kid: ...yeah... Me: Cool. Are you going to do ...

http://www.pizzaboomerang.com/

You ever hear women who say, "I faint at the sight of blood"? It drives me fucking crazy. I mean, women menstruate, right? There...

A little over a year ago I took out a piercing I had because I chipped my tooth on it eating a chicken chili verde burrito on my birthday (t...

I don't like to walk down the street, alone at night, in the Biiiiiiig Ciiiiiiiity. Because if I was a rapist and saw me walking down th...

I want to get a tattoo on my upper chest that says "not welcome". That way when people start bugging me or pissing me off, I can ...

Me: I'm going to hangout with one of my friends probably. Mom: Is it a guy? Me: Yeah. Mom: He better not be making a booty-call. Me: WHA...

I only did one cool thing over the course of my recent break-up. In a moment of weakness I sent a text that I instantly regretted, which sp...

I've been off the charts with shenanigans lately. And since I'm a storyteller, I'll divulge... A friend of mine invited me to g...

Recently I've developed the habit of going out and getting all crazy on my 'Fridays'. This may involve bars, karaoke, house par...

I'm not very good with the follow through of life goals. Except one, that I've been following through with for most of my life. Th...

I hate the bus so much. So, so much. Yesterday I was on the bus and the windows had condensation on them. I was watching this kid wiping t...

So. How many germs does a spider have on it? Because I smoked a re-fry that a spider walked on...Also, this is still not the grossest thin...

The other day two ten-ish year-old girls came through my line. They were buying milk, eggs and fabric softener. HA! No, actually they wer...

http://xkcd.com/943/

So on top of an already horrible and awkward couple of weeks, I decided to go get my clean bill of health, and I put in a rush order for it....