Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My fartpartment

When my boyfriend moved in with me he brought something I had never had before: a little dog. Jack is his name, and farting is his game.

Jack is a farting master. He can stink up a room in about ten seconds. Everyday I lay on the couch and pet him, and everyday he farts in my face. And his farts aren't normal, they stink like regular dog poo x10. Probably because we feed him this 'no filler' type of food, but, jeebus his farts stink. And they linger. You might be thinking, 'Why is this girl going on and on about dog-farts?' The answer to that is: this is my life now, it's an everyday thing. AND IT ANNOYS ME! The only way I can deal with it is by knowing that Jack is 12 years old and should be allowed to fart his head off at his old age...

But, there is a "Gas Competition" going on here. For every Jack Fart, my boyfriend matches it with either one fart or about three burps. I'm surprised I'm even able to be alive with all this gas swirling around in here. It's bad. I mean, there will be times that I'm cleaning the kitchen and I'll leave the room to put something away, then when I'm about to go back in, my boyfriend will be standing in front of the kitchen and physically stop me and be all like, 'you can't go in there' and then I'm all like, 'yes I can dude, I'm cleaning the kitchen' and he inevitably says, 'NO. I farted in there!' Then I have to wait forever to finish what I was doing. He says that I have some retarded magical power to need something from where-ever he just farted. I say that it's a small apartment and he just farts everywhere all the time.

And it's not like I don't fart or burp, I totally do, but it's just not a constant stream of smells and loudness every 10 minutes THANKYOUVERYMUCH!
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4 comments:

  1. Brandy WilcoxenJanuary 18, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    Your bf should buy you a gas mask, as a courtesy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. zipbagofbonesJanuary 19, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    Try hitting your head really hard. Sometimes that takes away the ability to smell. Or Lysol. Spray them in the face with Lysol every time. They'll either learn to excuse themselves from the room first or they'll get high. it's a win-win situation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Susan Says..."January 19, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    Whike I am always excited to read bout farting of any kind, I am most impressed by your usageof the word, "jeebus." Really funny post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yvonne SylvesterJanuary 26, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    Thank you for the laugh!!

    ReplyDelete

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