Mop Bucket List! (dedicated to Mary C. [with love!])

1. Throw all the kids carts in the baler (CRUSHER!!!)

2. Use wine to mop up spills!

3. Eat all the samples and drink ALL the juice!

4. Reverse face all sections (labels in bitches!)

5. Ask customers if THEY can help ME!

Customers Are HILARIOUS! Sometimes...

Customer: Where are those...umm...dried cranberries?

Me: Oh...here they are...*points at shelf*

Customer: WAIT! DRIED POMEGRANATE SEEDS! THAT'S WHAT I NEED! SUPER-FOOD RIGHT? KEEPS AN OLD FUCKER LIKE ME ALIVE!

One of My Favorites

My friend Pit Pat was closing the loading door at work one day when, as it was sliding down, it knocked some boxes over. And after he closed it a girl walked into the back room.

Girl: What was that noise?!

Pit Pat: Do you believe in ghosts?

Girl: Yes...

Pit Pat: It was a ghost.

And Then I Walked Away

This happened at work the other day while I was leaving my register.


Customer: “I was worried that you weren’t old enough to ring up all this wine I’m buying.”

Me: “No, I’m twenty-eight, definitely old enough.”

Customer: “Yeah, I was gonna say, if you were seventeen, you’d look like shit.”


I’m sensitive about my age now. And my face.