Sunday, May 30, 2010

These Are a Few of My Many Smells

Remote: You smell like beer and cigarettes, you smell like a bar.

I *know* he thinks it's hot...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Favorite Piece of Shit Joke

I don't know why it always makes me laugh. Probably because there are so many levels to it with which I disagree. And it was told to me in sincerity...

Why did god give women yeast infections?

So they could know what it's like to live with an irritated cunt too.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Mop Bucket List! (dedicated to Mary C. [with love!])

1. Throw all the kids carts in the baler (CRUSHER!!!)

2. Use wine to mop up spills!

3. Eat all the samples and drink ALL the juice!

4. Reverse face all sections (labels in bitches!)

5. Ask customers if THEY can help ME!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Day in the Life

Remote: You smell like pickles and cigarettes.

Me: I know you meant that I smell like a woman.

Monday, May 24, 2010

maybe i should go walk in the goddamn street

The FUCK Chicago?! Every time I walk down my street, some douche-lord is riding their bike on the goddamn sidewalk. It was mildly irritating the first few times, but now, it just pisses me the FUCK OFF. I can't even count how many times some asshat has almost ran me down from behind. Fine, if you're under 17 and ride on the sidewalk, but grown fucking men can navigate on the fucking street. I'd be safer on the road, walking next to traffic and goddamn parked cars. I'm walking and therefore the goddamn most important person. I don't care if that makes me PEDESTRIAN. I want to carry a stick and samurai-sword that shit in these goddamn motherfuckers goddamn spokes. Bitch.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Customers Are HILARIOUS! Sometimes...

Customer: Where are those...umm...dried cranberries?

Me: they are...*points at shelf*


Friday, May 7, 2010

Oh My! Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo...

I don't usually write reviews or anything. But Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo is pretty awesome. It feels like I dipped my head in a liquid Altoid. It's going to be a good summer.

One of My Favorites

My friend Pit Pat was closing the loading door at work one day when, as it was sliding down, it knocked some boxes over. And after he closed it a girl walked into the back room.

Girl: What was that noise?!

Pit Pat: Do you believe in ghosts?

Girl: Yes...

Pit Pat: It was a ghost.

Monday, May 3, 2010

They Call it "Lost" Cuz That's What Happens to Your Days Off

Yeah. I started watching "Lost". I stopped being a snob and jumped right in. My days off consist of watching this blasted T.V. show. I need to find out what happens. Also, whoever writes this shit is probably the biggest douche-canoe because you just know that anyone that good at avoiding answering questions either worked for George W. Bush's administration, or should have.