Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Friday night: a night to remember

So, my little brother had a facebook status update. Then some kid born in 1994 started in with the rape jokes, which offended me. I am the only one allowed to make rape jokes, mainly because I hate rape so much! I'm sarcastic about it, which shows the general reader how very much against rape I happen to be.

As you can see, as I start to lose my cool, my awesome boyfriend comes in to save the day.

I'm still not sure if we're going to heaven or hell for this one, but since I don't believe in either, I guess I shouldn't worry too much.

Click on the images to make them BIGGER. Internet wars are lame. But lameness never stopped me from anything before.

(also, I apologize for the sloppy pics. I'm not good at MS paint. [or anything else for that matter])

Monday, July 19, 2010

A recipe for disaster: a lesson for the boys


The other day I left work early because I thought I was going to barf. Then I got home and had major diarrhea (whatevs, I can admit it). Then I took a shower and then took a nap.

Now, follow me on this one, my boyfriend's sister was visiting and he wanted to borrow a bike for her to use. One of his friends came through. She happened to be a former stripper. She was going to drop the bike off at our apartment. I had never met her...

Sooooooooooooooo. I woke up from my nap. To girls giggling in my living room. Then I was all like, oh yeah, that girl is dropping off that bike. Then I was like, oh yeah, she is probably super hot because of her old job and stuff. Meanwhile, I looked like total crap because I went to sleep with wet hair and diarrhea and was wearing stupid sleeping clothes consisting of shorts un-hemmed on one side, and some lame shirt. So, I'm laying there for five minutes trying to figure out a way to come out of the bedroom and not seem like an ass. And all I can think is: I'm not going to even be looking close to my 'personal best' in front of a hot ex-stripper, and I had DIARRHEA today, I suck.

Yeah, so I was just like, 'fuck it', came out of the room, was all like 'hi', and they were like, 'Sorry you're sick' and I was all like 'you have NO IDEA'. Just kidding, I was like, 'thanks, I feel better.' And they WERE SUPER HOT. And POTENTIALLY BI-SEXUAL. That seems like a super-threat for some reason...Then they left. So, I think I failed in trying to not seem like a snizz. But I wasn't mad or being a B. I was just feeling weird and mud-butty. In fact, I would like to pick her brain someday.

But anyway boys, it is probably not a good idea to have your super-hot ex-stripper friend and her (potential girl-) friend, who is also super hot, giggling at everything you say, as your sick girlfriend sleeps in the other room...Especially if she is insecure (which I am). But, I found the whole situation more hilarious than anything else. Still though, really, probably not a good idea. Unless your girlfriend loves to write stupid shit on a blog no one reads, then it is probably a good idea. Kind of.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tooth fail

So, today I got the permanent cap on my stupid root canal. I had a temporary on for two months and it was kind of hurting and freaking me out. I like to say things like, "tell me the TOOTH" and, "you can't handle the TOOTH" when I'm having work done on my teeth. Mainly, because I have teeth on the brain (not literally of course...[I hope]). I was thinking really hard about how I could make one of those sentences into an entire blog when my mind started wandering and thinking about how retarded my stupid teeth can be and what a pain in the ass they sometimes are; like when they crack in half when I'm simply trying to eat a bagel sandwich, or hurt when I get too much sugar in them and stuff.

Then I had an epiphany.

A fucked up tooth is kinda like a bad teenager. Like if I was a bad parent (which I won't be), and my kid was all into shit, rotten shit, so to speak. Then my neglect of said teenager/child caused me to have to spend a ton of money to get them on the right track again even though he would never be the same nice, naturally pleasing person, he would have a tough exterior which looks like everyone else, but underneath he's gonna be all fucked up.

So, yeah, I learned a lot today. Like about parenting, from having a fucked up tooth. Also I'm kinda drunk. Don't hate.