Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm drinking cheap-ass beaujolie nouveau in case you were wondering.

I got rained on today, which seemed pretty shitty, but sort of okay. But then, right after I ate a burger, my stupid anti-depressant made me feel like I was going to barf. All. Over. Which was still okay, cuz I'm used to it, and I'm dedicated to not feeling like complete shit from chronic depression.

So, I'm getting freezing cold rain on me and I feel like I have to barf.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

Then I'm waiting for my bus, and my super smart phone tells me that it's gonna be a while. Okay. So, I light up a cigarette. Then this guy, maybe around my age, maybe a tad younger, tells me that he has the 'deal of the night, an offer you can't refuse' for me. Okay, he had me at 'deal'. So, I'm listening. He tells me that if I give him a cigarette, he'll give me a brand newish Bic lighter. I tell him that it does, indeed, sound like the deal for me. I give him a smiggidy smoke, and tell him that they're ultra lights, he then tells me that I should give him two...I only gave him one, cuz I'm stingy like that. Then he stands too close to me, maybe got spit in my eye (maybe it was the rain?) and tries to flirt, but I think he was too high (like on POT!), I know this because he asked me if I wanted to smoke pot. (I didn't because I don't trust strangers at all, and he may have had the herp...How do I know?). Anyway, I did discover that he was from Tennessee and basically temporarily homeless, and he tried to get me to invite him to my place (I DIDN'T, THANKYOUVERYMUCH). Then I got on my bus, because that was my plan from the beginning.

I'm a fucking bitch because I'm complaining about being hit on. I KNOW!

Then I got home. It smelled like ass up in this apartment. So, of course, I gave Jack some dirty looks. I was all like, "SHIT Jack! Where did you poo? Why did you poo?! PLEASEDON'TLETITBEONTHECARPET!"

But quickly, I realized that it was some stupid garbanzo beans that were rotting in my fridge, that I put on the counter last night, and forgot to throw away. So, I opened the stupid tupperware to throw them away, and pretty much spent the next five minutes trying not to throw-up all over. My face even turned red and Jack ran away. After I finished retching and panicking from how much my body was aching to barf and cry from the smell of rotten beans, I then had Major Diarrhea (and every time I talk about diarrhea I call it 'Major', just so you know). Don't worry. I made it to the toilet.

My boyfriend just walked in the door (as I was writing this), made a face, and asked me if I farted. I told him to read my blog.

And THIS is what I call "A Day in the Life of Emily Illinois".

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