Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I saw my future

Do you ever do something and then think about how doing that same thing will suck when you get old?

Like, every time I flush a toilet in a public bathroom, I use my foot to hit the handle and flush the toilet. No matter how high up the flusher is, I will chorus-line kick myself into a strained muscle to not have to touch the handle or deal with possible splash-up from the water swirling...Every time I do this routine I think to myself, "Way to go Self! You dominated this toilet!" Then I think, "What the fuck am I going to do when I'm all old and unable to maneuver my shit like this?" Then this overwhelming fear/sadness ensues. Right there in some skanky bathroom.

And last night the same thing happened in my own bathroom. But in a slightly different way.

I was getting out of the shower, and every time I get out of the shower I hate to have my wet feet touch the ground in any way. Whether there is a clean towel there or it's just the tiles or whatever. So, I'm standing there contorting myself to try to dry off my feet before I get out of the shower and I'm almost falling over and I realize that there will come a time in my future where I won't be able to behave in this irresponsible, contortive, slippery and dangerous way anymore. And my wet feet will HAVE to touch the ground. There's a metaphor there somewhere. But I'm too lazy.


  1. When you're old you just crap your pants anyway. Duh.

  2. Well, great, I hadn't thought of that, but now I have. Yeesh.