Monday, December 20, 2010

So you think you want to rob me?

Yeah, with it being Christmas-time and all these crazies out and about, I've been trying to be a little more aware about being mugged. But, I'll be honest, I'm never that aware. Mainly because I'm busy trying not to make eye-contact with anyone gross or out of their mind.

But, in the wake of two different customers telling me how they got mugged this week, I decided to take the advice of one and zip my purse up inside my jacket. Now, anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I don't give a snizz about how I look (seriously, if the greasy rat's nest on my head didn't tip you off, then maybe my stank-ass dirty t-shirt would...), but I totally looked pregnant, which wouldn't usually faze me, but then I started thinking about crazy people who attack pregnant women and try to steal their babies and I was like, well, shit, I'm an even BIGGER target now. Like a double target for muggers and baby-stealers. And I could barely sit down AND my bag was making the chapstick in my pocket dig into my leg. Listen, it just wasn't working for me.

So then I decided that I would just carry my cards and license in my inside coat pocket and just try to not usually carry a bag. But I quickly realized how much I still needed my bag for all the garbage I carry from here to there.

Basically now, I have my cards and phone in my pockets and my garbage in my bag and if I get robbed that fucking asshole is going to get some tampons, a few coupons, half a thing of tic-tacs, a menu to my new favorite bagel restaurant, and a mostly filled-in day planner. Oh, and probably the satisfaction of knocking down a short girl and making her pee in her pants.


  1. But what about the muggers that read this blog?! Now they know your secrets!

  2. Don't worry, I always carry pepper spray in case someone gets me on the ground. Or for some bitches that have it comin'...