Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A promise to my future children (but not yours):

I spend a lot of time thinking about my Future Children. I mean A LOT. I hope they will someday realize this and understand that even though they will technically be 'unplanned pregnancies', they were actually thought about very much, even before they were a twinkle in their fathers eye. I don't know if that kinda makes them sort of planned, but WHATEVER.

So, I have a lot of bad habits.

I mean like, a lot.

And one of them consists of eating TONS of ramen noodles. This is probably one of the least bad, of my bad habits. I justify the salt consumption by never drinking the 'broth'. Seriously. I don't drink used hot juices...GROSS. Or used cereal milk for that matter (but that's a blog for a different day).

I'm dumb enough to binge on ramen noodles. And I'm really into 'instant' gratification (PUN!!!), so, basically, I can't stop. But I'm also smart enough to realize, very clearly, that ramen noodles are fucking bad for you (me), and probably shouldn't even exist for consumption.

So, this is my promise to my future children: I will probably, in secret, eat ramen noodles. Probably a lot. But you will never eat them. Not until you can go buy them for yourself. And I will tell you that they taste like hot worms taking a bath in salt-water, to discourage you from eating them. Hopefully for your entire life. I will also pretend to like raw celery and carrots to get you to eat them. YOU'RE WELCOME FUTURE CHILDREN!

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