Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Open Letter: To Doing the Laundry

Dear Doing The Laundry,

I think you know what this is about. It is about the leaving the apartment, the driving to the Laundromat, the washing, the drying, the folding, the hanging, the carrying back to the car, and the putting away of clothes (not to mention the spending of perfectly good money). I am all about the doing of things, but the doing of the laundry is not one of them. Why are you so labor intensive? You take at least a couple of hours, even if I am rushing around. I have given up trying to wash things on delicate and tumble dry on low just to save some freaking time.

Honestly though, if I had my own washer and dryer located somewhere in my apartment, I would not be writing this to you today. Mainly because I would have gained some perspective on what is annoying about doing you and what is not; Annoying: having to leave my apartment and carry shit, Not Annoying: watching my T.V. while a washer is spinning my clothes in my apartment.

Plus the Laundromat sucks. When I go there I have to sit on plastic chairs. Fuck that. Not that I am against plastic chairs usually, but they always suck at Laundromats and then I am sliding all over the place (not in a good way). And sometimes there is a crazy person who tries to talk to me. In the last town I lived in, the attendant was always staring and smiling at me, then one time there was this guy who told me his life story but I could not understand him except that he was from Louisiana and I think he was a criminal. Then once this Russian man tried to make me a communist, (but that did not work because I am such a fascist), or maybe he was just talking about something else, I could not understand a word he was saying anyway, but I made sure that I looked properly horrified at his communist proposals. The last thing that happened was that this drunk lady was running around the place yelling at people and almost falling everywhere. I could not stop staring at her (it was like looking at my future self: fascinating) but, I think she was three minutes from kicking my ass, so then I just had to stare at the floor really hard (which I hate [looking at the floor]). It is just a matter of time before something terrible happens to me there.

So, today I have to go do you. I am not excited about this. There is this delicious Chinese takeout place right next door to the Laundromat. But I cannot spend money on vegetable lo-mien, so this sucks. Really sucks. Plus I have to go it alone today (which I hate [the doing of you alone]). Taking one for the team sucks. And on top of all of that it really scandalizes me to bring my unmentionables out in public. I mean (since I am mentioning them now...) if my unders fall on the floor then everyone will see the lame monkey underwear that my mom buys for me. What is she thinking anyway? Beggars can't be choosers (that’s what they say anyway). Scandal.

Anyway, see you soon, Annoying Task,

Emily Illinois

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