Monday, August 17, 2009

Open Letter: To Phone Calls

Dear Phone Calls That I Have to Make Today,

I really am not looking forward to making you today. In fact, I have been avoiding you. I am sure that you think, "Oh, who cares? At least you do not have to go driving around and get lost in a ghetto. You can make Your Calls from the comfort of your own home!" Yeah, I know that already. Thanks for telling me the one thing I already know.

I even made one of these Phone Calls before I even started writing to you, did you know that? You probably did. I was annoyed because I had tried to make this particular Phone Call THREE other times but no one was answering. It was not Bad News for once, your indifference spites me, so do not try to pretend like you care.

I have at least five other Phone Calls to make today, FIVE. Not even counting the one that I made when I immediately walked in the door here. I am so sick of you, Phone Calls! I just want to live my life, spend time with T.V., and pretend like I am doing something around here. I actually have to turn T.V. off, OFF, when I make you! Can you imagine how that makes me feel? NOT GOOD. The silence really gets to me sometimes.

And even though you are thinking, "Well, chat it up with the people you are Calling then!" I refuse. I do not talk to strangers in a friendly way, usually. And especially not ever on the phone. Hey, do not sit there and be like, "You could have finished at least two Phone Calls in the time it took you to write this!" Get bent Phone Calls, my time is MY time. I do what I want. Anyway, Phone Calls, you are going to be finished today, FINISHED!

Calling you out,

Emily Illinois

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