Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Open Letter: To Firemen

Dear Firemen,

I watched a bunch of you out of my window last night. It made me feel like a creep to peer out of my blinds like that at one-thirty a.m., but I was curious about what was going on out there. The house was on fire two houses away, but since I couldn't really see that, I watched you guys instead.

And my question for you is: Why do I think you guys are so hot? (Pun intended).
Obviously the hero and danger factors top the list, but there is so much more to my feelings. I love the sound of a fireman running. I couldn't tell you why, maybe it’s the thumping of your huge boots and the clicking of all the buckles on your jackets that does it for me (I've always had a thing for buckles). Maybe it’s the obvious brawn underneath your uniforms (you have to be strong to carry a zillion pounds of equipment). The fact that a fireman always runs with purpose might be the answer I'm looking for here.

I fear though that most of you would bore me to death after five minutes. So, what’s my problem? It scares me that I could be attracted to some of you long enough to try to justify the use of the word 'Bub' or the saying of the word 'sassage'. Oh well, I guess I'm just a victim of my own hormones or something.

But let me admit something to you that I have never admitted before (because what is the fun of blogs if there is no really secret information divulged?) When my house caught on fire when I was in high school, a certain school cop who was apparently a volunteer fireman showed up at my house. I had reasons for not liking him, but as he stood in my driveway in his fireman get-up I thought to myself, 'Damn, our school cop is hot.' And that’s when I knew I had a problem.

Thanks for being hot hero's, you stallions of danger,

Emily Illinois


  1. I think you should write an open letter to Steve (of Kevin & Steve) because he runs around all crazy-like after he poops. It's annoying.