Monday, August 17, 2009

Open Letter: To Guy Who Tried to Hit on Me While Driving

Dear Guy Who Tried to Hit on Me While Driving,

Bad way to pick up girls. Really. I mean, I was driving, what was I supposed to do? I really do not even know what you were thinking. When you said, "Oh, your cigarette almost burned me!" I was at first confused, then like "What the fuck is going on here?" You were holding up traffic and people were honking!

Let’s really go over this for a minute here. Okay, was I supposed to shout my phone number to you? I would not have, but does this tactic usually work for you? I do not know how it possibly could. And what were you thinking? You are most likely 43 and I am 26. You do not know this about me, but I am a total ageist, so that would not have worked for me at all! Plus, I have a boyfriend! Did you even ask? NO!

Why were you trying to talk to me today? I look like a total 'scummer' a bottom feeder, a real dirty (not in a good way) stink-bag. I just got off work, hair looks like the Crypt-Keepers', I was blinking in the harsh afternoon sun...a real wreck, up since 4 a.m., the list really does go on! And I know that your car was not that sweet or anything, (and even though I am having a love affair with my own car) my car will not impress anyone (I love you 2000 Toyota Corolla). Plus it’s covered in bird poo. So, what is your deal, Guy Who Tried to Hit on Me While Driving?

I am at the bottom of the Everyman’s Everygirl list. Do you know what I am trying to say? I have now judged you on how you judged me! Ha! I have turned the tables on you! If you think that you want this, looking like this, then I think that you like sick looking, dirty females and would not touch you ever! Who knows what you have been with...YUCK! Thanks for the compliment though, I guess.

You Keep on Knocking, But You Can't Come In,

Emily Illinois

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