Monday, August 17, 2009

Open Letter: To Garnier Fructis Fortifying 2-in-1 Anti-Dandruff Shampoo Bottle

Dear Garnier Fructis Fortifying 2-in-1 Anti-Dandruff Shampoo Bottle,

I think that you are a swell product. I even spend the extra dollar or two on you and it is not because of the commercials. But I have a serious problem with you; your stupid cap.

Every time that I take a shower I have to open your cap. That’s not the problem (the opening of you) but the cap part is. You have a sharp cap-flip-up-thing. I always almost cut myself. I really have no idea how you passed the testing part of production. If I was a teacher and you were a student, I would give you an F- on design. Having a good design is not that hard. Even my crappy 99 cent Suave shampoo has a better design than you.

In the shower, everyday, I think to myself, 'Should I risk my thumb trying to get that thing open?' I would use you more if I could get you open. I would have less potential dandruff, and I would spend more money buying more of you. We both lose out, but I really cannot tell who loses more.

Do you know how crappy it is to be naked, soaking wet, have no glasses on and look at your pruny fingers, trying to see if you have cut yourself? You do not know, because you are a bottle and have no fingers or anything, but it really sucks.

Someday I might put your shampoo-center into a new bottle. How would you like that? To have your shampoo existing in a 99 cent Suave bottle? Does that irk you? Are you T'd off? I hope you are. You violent plastic piece of potential punctures. Did you like that alliteration? I did.

See you next shower asshole,

Emily Illinois

1 comment:

  1. I am SO glad someone finally said it because I've been thinking it for a while. You are the champion of the people, Emily.